- posted: Sep. 18, 2025
My name is Marissa Myers, and I am a licensed mental health counselor here in Iowa, also practicing in Texas. Two of my areas of specialty are helping adults with childhood trauma, and anxiety. I have found Internal Family Systems to be a very helpful and non-pathologizing model to use with these presenting concerns. I am currently in the process of completing my Level One Certification through the IFS Institute, and I'd like to share my passion for IFS with you.
When we think of healing from childhood trauma or coping with anxiety, it’s common to imagine needing to “fix” ourselves. We might feel broken or believe that parts of us are working against us. Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, offers a very different perspective—one that can feel surprisingly compassionate and hopeful.
The Core Idea of IFS: We Are Made of Many Parts
IFS starts with the idea that our minds are not a single voice, but more like an inner family made up of different “parts.” Each part has its own feelings, beliefs, and goals. For example:
An anxious part might warn you constantly about what could go wrong.
A perfectionist part might push you to work harder so you’ll never feel rejected.
A sad or hurt part might carry painful memories from childhood.
Instead of labeling these parts as “bad” or trying to silence them, IFS teaches us to listen to them. Every part is trying to help us in some way—even if its methods create stress or pain.
At the center of all this is what IFS calls the Self—your core, undamaged essence. The Self is naturally calm, compassionate, and wise. Healing comes from reconnecting with this Self and letting it build a more balanced relationship with your parts.
Childhood Trauma and Protective Parts
When we go through painful experiences as children—like neglect, criticism, or abuse—our mind adapts in order to survive. Parts of us take on special roles:
Protectors try to prevent us from feeling pain again. For instance, an angry part might lash out to keep people from getting too close.
Managers work hard to keep life under control. A perfectionist manager may develop to avoid criticism.
Exiles are the vulnerable parts of us that hold the raw pain, fear, or shame from childhood. Because their feelings are overwhelming, other parts push them away, often leaving us cut off from our own needs and emotions.
IFS doesn’t try to erase these parts. Instead, it gently helps protectors step back so the Self can approach the exiles with compassion. Over time, the exiled parts begin to release the burdens they’ve carried—like shame, fear, or worthlessness—and we feel more whole.
How IFS Helps with Anxiety
Anxiety often comes from parts of us that are working overtime to keep us safe. Imagine an inner voice constantly saying, “Don’t mess up!” or “Watch out for danger!” That anxious part isn’t trying to torture you—it’s trying to protect you from being hurt again, just like you were in the past.
Through IFS, you learn to meet that anxious part with curiosity instead of frustration. You might ask:
“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t make me worry?”
“How long have you been carrying this job for me?”
When the anxious part feels heard and supported by your Self, it often relaxes. It no longer has to scream to get your attention.
The Power of Compassionate Curiosity
The beauty of IFS is that it replaces self-criticism with self-compassion. Instead of thinking, “Why am I like this?” you begin to ask, “Which part of me feels this way, and what does it need?”
This shift changes everything:
You no longer feel broken—you realize you have inner allies.
You stop fighting against yourself—you start working with yourself.
You discover that even your most difficult emotions are parts of you longing for care and healing.
Final Thoughts
Childhood trauma and anxiety can make life feel like a battle inside your own mind. Internal Family Systems offers a gentle but powerful roadmap out of that struggle. By listening to your parts and leading from your core Self, you can heal old wounds, soothe anxiety, and move toward a sense of inner harmony.
IFS reminds us: you are not broken. You are made of many parts, all doing their best to help. With compassion and curiosity, you can bring them together and finally feel at home within yourself.